Anyway, this is a long time coming post. I'm struggling a bit with how politically correct or direct I should be, so please insert disclaimers wherever you see fit. The subject is actually a question I still get a lot: "So, what do you do all day?"
I'm 41 years old, I had a very nice job in Denmark before we moved and my husband and I were trying to have a baby, but we were living 2 persons in a nice apartment in Copenhagen. We had my family, his family, our friends, his friends, my friends, my colleagues, his colleagues, birthdays, baptisms, easter lunches etc. We had a very comfortable and busy life.
Our values in New York are similar to our values back in Denmark, but pretty much everything else has changed. It's very very hard to explain to someone who hasn't tried to live in another country as a family, what it's like. That's probably why people ask me what I do all day.
I'll give you some examples:
"Why do you keep your son in a day care? All you do is stay home and hang out?"
"Ok, so after you do the insurance thing and all the cleaning - then what do you do? That takes like 30 minutes a week?"
"What do you do all day, except being a nice wife and mom? The person you were back in Denmark could never do just nothing"
And on a related matter, that I'll get back to:
"Why doesn't your son speak Danish? It sounds so weird that he only speaks English.
"Aren't you sad that your son doesn't speak any Danish? That would really hurt my feelings if I couldn't speak Danish with my child"
To explain "what I do", I also have to describe what my husband's life looks like. It's very much entwined:
The reality of what my husband does for a living is that he gets up at 5am every morning to go to work at 6 or 7am in the morning, squeezing in some exercise or a phone call with someone across the globe, before he hits the subway. If he gets home early, he's home around 7.15/7:30pm at night, just in time to tuck in our son. About 2 nights every week he has late nights with clients or his network. That's how you work in New York. He travels every 2-3 weeks, for 1 week when needed, but mostly only 1 trip every month. So, that's Christian.
I actually quite like the English word "homemaker" for what I do "all day":
I make sure that Hugo's morning starts out slowly and nice. We wake up, we talk about how his night was, I help him get dressed, I make our breakfasts and we eat together. Then he plays or watch tv while I take a shower. I answer a couple of messages from people back home in Denmark that have come during the night. I play a bit with Hugo and then we head out for school. I drop him off at 9am, sign me up for a thing at his school and talk to another parent dropping off their child.
Then I walk down to the supermarket (that's a 30 minute walk) with the stroller and on my way home I talk to my dad back home in Denmark. He asks me to send some new photos of Hugo. My former colleague from Copenhagen writes and asks for hotel recommendation in New York for a spring vacation.
When I get home, I unpack, tidy up, vacuum, empty the dishwasher and make myself a cup of tea. I get some things done on the computer (pictures to dad, hotels to colleague).
Then I eat lunch while I order things for the house (here's the thing: you can't buy things in bulk or things that take up a lot of space in Manhattan, because stores don't have enough square feet).
Then it's time to pick up Hugo. Maybe we meet up with his friend Juliet for a playdate or maybe we go to the playground to get some fresh air. Then it's time to go home, make Hugo dinner and give him a bath. Maybe daddy comes home to tuck him in (which he prefers) or maybe he has to settle with me, which tends to drag out the whole procedure.
Then I make dinner for me and my husband and THEN I get to sit down and relax a bit. This is around 9pm.
So that's what I do all day.
Now.....here's the answer to that next, somewhat piss off'ing question: but how can you like/feel fulfilled/be happy doing "just that"?
I love my life and I love my family. I am immensely proud of the life that I have created for my family. And I've done it without anybody helping me out. We have no family and no old friends in this city - I have found and cultivated the personal relationships that everybody in this family has.
1. I guide and support my husband through the biggest challenges of his career, even though it is all new to me too. That goes on my resume as well. In capital letters.
2. I research and maneuver life for 3 people in a new country.
3. I have been pregnant and delivered a baby in a foreign country without anybody helping me figure that thing out. That's actually one of the things I'm most proud of.
4. I make sure that my son always feels safe, seen, heard and understood when his dad is out there working his butt off supporting us.
5. I find out how the f*** the New York school system works and who I have to give red apples to, to get our son into the best school.
6. I make sure that 3 people can actually hang out and enjoy themselves together during the weekend, without having to spend time cleaning/doing laundry or anything else, besides just recharging and being together.
7. I read a ton of books at night about how to create the best life possible for my son, while we live in New York, but also maintain those Danish values that I cherish so much.
8. This includes the whole language thing, and let me just get this out of the way: we live in an English speaking country, my son's friends speak English, his teachers speak English. OFF COURSE I want him to speak English as his first language! This is such a moo point (as Joey would say). Christian and I only speak Danish to him, he understands Danish, so what's the FREAKING problem?? Sorry, I have some anger issues regarding mom-shaming. I'll work on that...
Any other questions? I'm here all day doing my nails and drinking coffee.(Sarcasm disclaimer)
